ANNOUNCING THE
HOWARD STERN SEPARATION PARTY !!!
TIME AND LOCATION TO BE ANNOUNCED
This will positively be the party of the century. The party is a celebration of Allison Stern coming to her senses and leaving her worthless husband. Howard Stern's television program was, of course, a colossal failure, his radio material has been hopelessly stale for over ten years, and now he is left alone. Is this party overly cruel? Not at all! It is consistent with Howard's treatment of competitors before it was his turn to become a complete loser.
We are currently in negotiations to broadcast this spectacular event on a pay-per-view cable channel, as well as a live web broadcast.
Take a look at some of the confirmed festivities that will take place:
THE ALLISON STERN LIBERATION CEREMONY
This shall be a two-part event. Starting with DIAL-A-DATE starring Allison herself! That's right, one contestant will be the lucky winner who gets a date with Allison Stern. Eligible contestants selected from the crowd at the party will have an opportunity to convince Allison that they are the ideal choice for her first date since being free of Howard.
The second part will be ALLISON'S CELEBRITY FANTASY COME TRUE. Short videos shall be presented of digitally created simulations of erotic encounters between Allison and several celebrities, respectively. If Allison strongly responds to any of the simulated videos, arrangements will be made to make her celebrity fantasy come true. The subjects of each individual video include: Bill Maher, Ron Jeremy, Mumia Abu-Jamal, John DeBella, Chevy Chase, Al Sharpton, and Bob Guccione, Jr. These virtual features will later be released on video.
THE HOWARD STERN HISTORY OF LIES AND FALSE CLAIMS
This historical presentation will feature the 70s shock radio pioneers that Stern ripped-off at the start of his career. Featuring the radio personalities then featured on the Tom Snyder Show and profiled in Chic magazine.
WHAT THE ABUSIVE BOSS DESERVES
Normally, people with a brain have a maximum interest in the Stern show of two years. To listen to the show ten years later is to discover that the same tired material and gags are repeated relentlessly. Probably the most stale of his is his penchant for being an abusive boss for his sidekicks. Stern has been detached from non-wealthy people for so long, he has no clue how boring an abusive boss is. A jerky boss is anything but unique! The tables will turn at this event when presenters and crowd participants brainstorm exactly what this particular abusive boss deserves. Great prizes will be given to the most creative. Considering that the remaining talent exhibited on Stern's show comes from some of his sidekicks, the self-proclaimed 'King' ought to rethink his erroneous ways.
THE TOPPLING OF STERN: FROM 'KING' TO LOSER
This segment shall begin with a presentation on the decline of Stern, from his pitiful television program to becoming left alone. Since Stern is on a losing fast-track, it is obvious that there will be difficulties finding a replacement for Allison, who will put up with his ego and arrogance. The replacement will likely be someone with a serious level of desperation. Therefore, immediately following the presentation, will be a new event called FIND A HOMELESS WOMAN FOR HOWARD. Naturally, he'll need to rethink his abusiveness towards the homeless and other disadvantaged people, who are his primary targets.
LIVE BANDS !!
A spectacular lineup of bands will also be a part of this phenomenal party: Rage Against the Machine, Beastie Boys, Bad Religion, DOA, Ice-T, Snoop Doggy Dogg, and Sinead O'Connor.
Spoken Word performer: Jello Biafra.
Performance artist: Karen Finley.
Guest Speakers: Larry Flynt, Jerry Hall. There has been no response so far, regarding the invitation to Hillary Clinton.
Comedy Acts: Bobcat Goldthwait, Paul Krassner, Elayne Booseler, George Carlin.
Stay tuned for information about tickets, the pending pay-per-view deal, and the web broadcast. This will be a party you will never forget!
-- The Party Committee
[Back to SJCDC Home] [Back to Humor]